How to be Single?
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not going to teach you how to break up with your partner. Just want to share some of my personal experience. I found it useful whether you’re being single or when you have a partner. I’ve seen many people feel insecure when they’re single. Even worse, some think it’s pathetic. I was surprised when some of my friends told me they have difficulty to go out eat on their own in the restaurant. (Not a fancy restaurant but just a food stall) I started to do part time job when I was 18, and sometimes I don’t have time to eat with my classmates as I need to go to work. And no smart phone by the time then. Nowadays, it seems like if people don’t browsing on their phone when they eat, they might don’t know how to passing the meal time. (Aren’t you suppose just relax and enjoy the food?) Anyway, I’m just share what I learnt from my life experience. And my close friends told me it does help them a lot. If you also feel the same, feel free to give it try!!
1.Have your own life!
Sounds easy right? But many people can’t do it. First of all, you need to feel comfortable of being alone. Don’t care about what other people think. You don’t have to live just like other people. If you don’t like party out, then don’t go. You don’t have to force yourself to attend the event that you don’t like just because you worry people might think you’re weird. Do things would make you happy and carefree!!
For me, I love to exercise so I pretty much have different kind of exercise everyday. Meanwhile, I also have my routine Spanish class every week because I like it. I want to tell you that don’t limited yourself. If there’re any activity you’ve been thinking about for a while, and you can’t find any of your friends to come with you. Well, be brave just go by yourself! Or there’re many groups online you can search then join them. That’s how I started my hike and SUP activity. Because none of my friends like the big hike(they don’t like camp out). So I started with commercial group to help me to accumulated my experience. (I’m still learning).
Trust me, if you apply this to your life. It will still helpful when you have a partner one day. Remember, don’t be a person who has no your own life at all when you have a partner. I’ve seen many people once they have a bf/gf, they completely lose their own life. (I do like to do things together when I have a bf. But I’m saying you still need to keep your own life/space) instead of just waiting for your other half’s phone call/message, only do whatever things your partner do. Some even worse, they lost contact with their own friends as they keep all their time for their partner! Don’t do that, I’ve been there before, and found myself wasn’t really happy when I look back of that time afterwards. Well, at least we learn from experience tho.
2. Love yourself!
Yes, you need to learn to love yourself before somebody came to love you! Build up self-confidence is crucial. No one like a person who’s lack of confidence. Eat well, keep good health, treat yourself with something you like once in a while. Do things that can makes you happy. When you’re really happy from inside, that would reflect on your appearance to make you looking good. I have friend who’s really lack of confidence of herself especially after broke up with a 10 years long term ex. She only wanted to stay at home and cry. She’s not happy about how she looks like and feel sorry for her life. I kept on telling her my point of view about life, encourage her to step out of her house. Eventually, she’s finally happier and more confidence of herself. Now she’s happy with her new bf ☺
You can go travel in your own country or oversea. Pick up a location that you like. If you prefer to go with your bestie then go for it! Or if you’re a solo traveler like me that’s even better, you can arrange the trip as you wish. Depends on your budget. But I do recommend to stay in the place that’s less luxury. Like Airbnb or a hostel, or even couchsurfing! 5 stars hotel is hard to have too many interaction with others. Don’t be afraid of having a conversation with other people. If you can get to know some local people that’s even better. Know about their life, exchange your life experience would be helpful for you. I always get inspire by something when I’m travelling. Sometimes I get inspire even just a little thing that I saw or people do to me.
4. Go on a date or not
I’m not trying to confuse you. What I mean is if you feel like to dating and you happen to have a nice date, then feel free to go out with him/her. Don’t be afraid of making any mistake, or pretend to be Mr/Miss perfect. Be who you really are. Don’t pretend to be someone else. Don’t ask a guy/girl what kind of person they like. They would makes you somehow want to change yourself became the person they like which is not a good idea. And you don’t really have to take people’s advise too much, because you’re the one who’s dating with that person, you should know them well, and mature enough to make the right decision. Don’t play hard to get(not to respond people’s message or phone call for a while on purpose…etc), I found it quite silly actually. If I like a guy normally I’ll reply message when I can unless I’m busy then I’ll reply later on. Honestly, if some guy play hard to get, I would think he just no into me then probably just walk away, no need to waste my time on people who like to play the game. So just simply be yourself and being genuine to people. If they likes you, you’ll know it and vice versa.
But if you don’t feel like to date, that’s alright. I always believe when it comes to the right person, no need to pursue it on purpose, they’ll just comes to your life naturally. No need to care about what other people think if they say:” Oh, you’ve been single for too long, you should starting to date someone now” It doesn’t matter about how long you’re being single, I don’t think time is a problem at all. As long as you’re happy then nothing wrong to be on your own until you’re ready to be with someone.
5. Don’t be afraid to change!
Honestly, this is something that I still learning, and keep on reminding myself from time to time as sometimes I forgot it. I’m the kind of person who’s well organise, love routine. I used to be afraid of change. When one of my ex told me he want to create a new business, for sure he’s going to be very busy. When he told me that, I already starting to think about: oh, we’ll be too busy to have no time to see each other, is it going to impact our relationship?…etc.” See!! I’ve been worry about too much for something that’s not even happen yet!! I hate myself for being like that. I didn’t like the things don’t goes as plan. But I realise that’s not a healthy thinking. This kind of thought would eat you out eventually.
So I told myself: “Selma, no one can tell what’s gonna happen in the future, if you hold on too tight, you’ll hurt yourself!! You’ll get your life miserable. The best you can do is relax, let it happen naturally. We can’t change the future but only ourself! You can change the way you see the thing.”
In terms of decision making, I’ve always play safe when I was younger. (but I’m always a rebel tho) I didn’t started to do big change until I was age 25. It’s just like a barrier, once you cross that barrier, you’ll willing to do more change without fear and doubt. If you fear of something too much, sometimes, you lose yourself. As long as you think this kind of change is beneficial to you, then be brave, go for it! Just always remind yourself who you really are no matter what you change.
Look at me, I only started to SUP in Feb this year. Then I attend a few races since May. Honestly, I didn’t want to go race at all at the beginning. I was scared of couldn’t finish competition, worry I’ll be the last one. But if I never attend any race, how can I improving myself? So I still go anyway. Training hard even obtain my own SUP instructor certificate in June!! These experience given me more confidence and encourage me to work harder on SUP for more upcoming event in the near future!!
6. Love your family and close friends
Family and close friends, these people are the one who will always be there when you need. Even entire world give up on you. They’ll still be there whenever you want. When I was young and got hurt by a lost relationship, my mom is always there like a friend to talk to me. Even now, we still talk a lot to each other. And you don’t need a big group of friends. True friends only 2-3 is good enough. When I was in the lowest moment of my life, they’re the person who I can talk with even it’s very late. True friends is even you don’t talk very often, but you still care about each other. You can call them anytime when you need. I’m lucky and appreciate what I have in my life. And truly love my family and good friends.