Bits and bobs|What I learnt from relationship?

I’ve been share an article about “How to be single” before.And I think I also want to share something I learnt from my previous experience in a relationship with you as well. I’m not saying these would definitely work for everyone. But just simply share something I think it might help(even for me)

-Learn to give up

There’s a well say Chinese quote:” 天涯何處無芳草,何必單戀一支花” Which mean “There’re plenty of opportunities out there, why bother to insist on wanting this person? “ Which quite make sense to me. However, I wasn’t like that at the beginning. At least when I was younger, when I fancy someone, even he’s not suit me that well. Obviously, he’s not into me as much as I do. At that time, I only want to date that person only. I was naïve to think as long as I don’t give up, one day he’ll be mine. But we all know that, relationship is not something that would work out if you work hard and don’t give up. Relationship is an amazing stuff, only two people who has the same feeling could create that chemistry.

I know it’s hard, even for me. But sometimes, you just need to know when to give up. If you do everything you could, but there’re still no any sparkle between you guys. Maybe it’s time to give up and move on.

-Give yourself some moment

This is something I didn’t aware until my previous relationship. I’m not that kind of person who like to have a fight even an argument. But it’s unavoidable to been through this situation when you have a bf/gf. For me, when it comes to an argument, I would like to talk it through and fix the problem. It’s not a good thing if you go to bed with negative emotion. What I learnt from my previous relationship was, when you have a fight/ argument. It’s better to tell your partner that give yourself an hour or two( tell them a time instead of just go quiet without notice). You need times to calm yourself first. I realize when I angry I can’t really keep my mind thinking straight. Negative emotion would impact my judgement, and the way I see the thing. Only when I calm myself down, my mind would be able to analysis what just happened? What were we fight about?

Especially, sometimes people say something harsh when they both in furious emotion. You might say something that you don’t mean it. After you both getting back to peaceful emotion, you two sit down and have a proper conversation about what happen and figure out how to solve the issue.

-Respect each other’s privacy/space

I think trust is very import thing between couples. If you want to be with someone, You ought to trust each other. Respect their privacy. I’m sure if you trust each other, he/her wouldn’t mind to share everything with you. But I definitely not in favour of the behavior like check up on their phone, emails. No one like to being treat like that by their partner. I would like to share everything with my partner, I got nothing to hide. But I won’t be pleased if he check up on my device without me knowing. This is something about respect. And also, it’s not going to be a healthy relationship if you do this kind of things the whole time. I think it’s very tired if I have to being suspicious, check on phone secretly. Worrying about something that’s not even exist. That won’t be the life that I would want to have.

I’ve never check on any of my exs’ phone. I’d rather just trust them. Honestly, if someone really want to cheating on you, they’ll always have their own way to do it without you knowing. If they’re that kind of bad person, you should just walk away, don’t waste your time on them anymore. You deserve better!

-We all have past

This is also something I learnt from time to time. Especially when you grow older. You should know people you’re dating with/ being with they all have some previous history(either do you) I’ve seen my friends made their partner to delete their old photos with their exs. Or unfriends their exs/ girls they’ve been date before. I’m sure many people been bother by this problem as well. Don’t worry, I used to be one of you. Even now, I can’t say I won’t care about it completely. But you need to think about, does it really matters if they do all these action as you require? I think you should let your partner decide what they would do. At least for me, I won’t ask my bf to delete all his old photos with his exs. It’s just part of his life, memories that belong to the past. Keep those photos in the file doesn’t means he would open those photos to review anytime and miss about those life with his exs. You’re the one who’s being with him right now. It’s ok that you couldn’t participate his life before, but right now you can create more of nice memories with him in the near future. So don’t struggling about those things already happened. For me, if I unfriend any of my ex or people I’ve date before, it must because we either no longer in contact or I don’t see the point of stay as friends anymore. I won’t be like keep it on my friends list just in case. (In case of what?? Come on!)

-Support/encourage each other

It’s important to being understanding and support to each other. Sometimes you might not like the thing they want to do. But don’t disagree with them at the first place. Take some time to talk to your partner, understand the purpose of why they’re doing it? Even you don’t 100% agree their point of view, but at least be there for them when they need. Trust me, it does matters to have your support and encouragement. No one like to be with someone who’s always hold the against opinions of their decision, or give you a hard time when you chase your dream. Even the whole world against them, at least they know you’ll be there for them.

For example, I wanted to try snowboard, skateboard or rock climbing. Even I wasn’t certain if I’m capable of doing it or not at the beginning, but I know I should at least give it a try to see if I like it or not. But if my partner keep on telling me :” Oh, you don’t want to it, because you’ll get sore, or if you fall over you’ll in pain, you’re not gonna like it!! You might think he’s being thoughtful but that doesn’t sounds like that. “ Seriously, that would only make me even want to do it (Sorry, my personality just like that, people don’t get to tell me what to do/ what not to do. haha) But honestly, I would probably disappointed if I heard something like that, for not being support. I’ve been there before so I understand that. That’s why I’m telling you, have a partner who can understand, and be there for you no matter what it’s vital. Once you don’t have these 2 elements between two of you. Eventually, your relationship will toward to the end gradually.

If my partner want to do something might be a bit crazy, dangerous. I know I’ll definitely worry about it. That’s human being. But I would try to understand,  talk to him know more detail about it. Helping him to be well-prepared. And it’s likely I would end up do that crazy thing with him together (Yea, that’s how crazy I am as well)

-Keep in touch with your friends,Family

That’s also from my own experience too. That happened when I was younger. I wasn’t keep in touch with my friends that much when I’m with someone. Although the true friends are always there for you, even you don’t talk everyday. But when you really need them, they’ll always try to be with you as soon as possible. So does your dear family. These people are the one who would treat you good but never ask anything as a return. Therefore, be appreciate of what you have, cherish them. I’m lucky that I always have a few genuine friends and my family.

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